Why Calypso Smells Like Seduction

So, we bought a house. And a huge, wonderful house it is, with a huge, wonderfully neglected yard. In that neglected yard is an even MORE neglected pond. In that even more neglected pond is an algae, mossy substance that I can’t identify by suspect may be what happens when mold has sex with kelp and becomes self aware. We’ve been diligently raking it out, a little bit at a time (we’d do it all at once, but there are more pressing things in this house right now, and raking self-aware algkelp is our little breaktime pasttime. I know that’s messed up but don’t care) and letting it dry in a pile in the yard.

One of the wonderful things about our wonderfully neglected yard is that it’s a fenced yard on the corner, which means it’s a good size and some of it is out of our view from inside the house. Calypso loves this, too, because she can explore off her leash. And, trust me, there is a LOT to explore in this yard. It’s a little slice of “suburbia surrenders” back there, which I love – and so does she.

So tonight I let her out while I’m cleaning up paint and spackle supplies – as I said, it’s a wonderful house that the previous owner ignored, so it needs a lot of paint and spackle right about now – and don’t think anything of it. When I’m done cleaning up and realize she’s been outside for a good long spell, I call for her. She, being my trusty hound and faithful companion, comes galloping towards me.

El Cap had fixed the front hot water heater – it was not, um, heating the water – and a few minutes later I smell something.

Me: Do you smell something burning?

El Cap: I smell something, but it isn’t a burning smell.

Me: Are you sure? It smells… weird.

El Cap: What did we do just now? I was out with the hot water heater (checks garage)… Nope, doesn’t smell out there.

Me (bending down to smell Calypso): JESUS!

Algkelp Fun Fact #1: Regular dog shampoo does NOT work in removing the smell, not even if you shampoo your trusty hound and faithful companion three times with the stuff and let it sit on her a few minutes each time.

Algkelp Fun Fact #2: Victoria’s Secret Seduction Dark Orchid body wash does. THIS is Victoria’s true secret.

Algkelp Fun Fact #3: “Algkelp” is not a real word. I Googled it to check.

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I write. I take pictures. I love my dog. I love Florida. My 2016 book, 'Backroads of Paradise' did really well for the publisher and now I feel a ridiculous amount of pressure to finish the second book.