True Floridians

I got this as an e-mail forward, which I usually HATE. But this is pretty dead on…

Signs of a True Floridian

Socks are only for bowling.
You never use an umbrella because you know the rain will be over in
five minutes.
A good parking place has nothing to do with distance from the store,
but everything to do with shade.
Your winter coat is made of denim.
You can tell the difference between fire ant bites and mosquito bites.
You’re younger than thirty but some of your friends are over 65.
Anything under 70 is chilly.
You pass on the right and honk at the elderly, but pull over for a
You’ve driven through Yeehaw Junction.
You could swim before you could read.
You have to drive north to get to The South.
You know that no other grocery store can compare to Publix.
Every other house in your neighborhood had blue roofs in 2004-2005.
You’ve gotten out of school early on Halloween to trick or treat
before it got dark.
You know that anything under a Category 3 just isn’t worth waking up
You dread lovebug season.
You are on a first name basis with the Hurricane list. They aren’t
Hurricane Charley, Hurricane Frances, but Charley , Frances , Ivan
and Jeanne.
You know what a snowbird is and you hate them.
You know why flamingos are pink.
You think a six-foot alligator is actually pretty average.
You were twelve before you ever saw snow, or you still haven’t.
“Down South” means Key West.
“Panhandling” means going to Pensacola.
You think no-one over 70 should be allowed to drive.
Flip-flops are everyday wear.
Shoes are for business meetings and church.
No, wait, flip flops are good for church too, unless it’s Easter or
Sweet tea can be served at any meal.
An alligator once walked through your neighborhood.
You smirk when a game show’s “Grand Prize” is a trip or cruise to
You measure distance in minutes.
You have a drawer full of bathing suits, and one sweatshirt.
You get annoyed at the tourists who feed seagulls.
All the local festivals are named after a fruit.
A mountain is any hill 100 feet above sea level.
You think everyone from a bigger city has a northern accent.
You know the four seasons really are: almost summer, summer, not
summer but really hot, and February.
It’s not soda, cola, or pop. it’s coke, regardless of brand or
flavor, “What kinda coke you want?”
Anything under 95 is just warm.
You’ve hosted a hurricane party.
You go to a theme park for an afternoon, and know when to get on the
best rides (Space Mountain during the Electric Light Parade!).
You understand the futility of exterminating cockroaches.
You can pronounce Okeechobee, Kissimmee , Ichnatucknee and
You understand why it’s better to have a friend with a boat, than
have a boat yourself.
Bumper stickers on the pickup in front of you include: various fish,
NRA, Nascar and Go Gators.
You were 5 before you realized they made houses without pools.
You were 25 when you first met someone who couldn’t swim.
You get angry when people say ” Florida isn’t really part of the SOUTH.”
You’ve worn shorts and used the A/C on Christmas.
You know what the “stingray shuffle” is, and why it’s important!
You recognize Miami-Dade as “Northern Cuba”.

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I write. I take pictures. I love my dog. I love Florida. My 2016 book, 'Backroads of Paradise' did really well for the publisher and now I feel a ridiculous amount of pressure to finish the second book.

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