The Great American House Hunt

I really DO have good moods, I swear… they’re just less creative for me.

So, I’ve bought three houses, two with the assistance of a husband and one on my own. I have never experienced anything like this in my life.

By this I mean the real estate event horizon that is Gulfport. I mean, how hard can it be to find a fucking house? I mean, I’m preapproved, have fairly decent credit, and I have a realtor who would, I believe, get out of bed at 3 a.m. to show me a cracker jack box if he believed there existed even a remote possibility I would sign a contract and give him escrow.

The problem, I believe, lies in the desirability of Gulfport. Yes, I know I sound like a realtor, and I’ve never quite believed their sell-speak and listing double-talk before, but I have never in my life even heard of anything like this. See, I’ve been trying for well over a month now to find and purchase a home, to no avail. I have confined my search to Gulfport and certain areas of South St. Pete, and my only criteria is that it cost less than $150k in Gulfport or under $75k in South St. Pete. Ok, that’s not true. I don’t want anything on a main road or that has serious structural problems. And by serious I mean serious. I have turned down any home that appears to need serious structural work, but that’s it.

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I write. I take pictures. I love my dog. I love Florida. My 2016 book, 'Backroads of Paradise' did really well for the publisher and now I feel a ridiculous amount of pressure to finish the second book.