Pizza Herpes

So, I love a good steak, but I don’t need a good steak every night. In fact, I am quite content to munch on farro and veggies and chickpeas, left to my own devices.

El Cap has a more marked predisposition to meat–and–potatoes types of meals, but because it’s not worth the fight  he loves me, he, on occasion, acquiesces and settles for a meat-free meal. Tonight we’re making leftovers; me, tofu-veggie-farro; El Cap, leftover veggie pizza. We pull the pizza out of the freezer and he Sheldon-style carefully inspects it for olives (he hates olives). Someone – not me, I swear! – wrapped two slices in foil with the cheese sides facing each other. Rather than defrost them, he selects two other pieces and re-wraps the cheese-facing slices in foil, then puts them back in the freezer. This is what happened next:

Me: Hey, don’t wrap those up again – let me defrost them so I can rewrap them properly.

El Cap: You can’t do that. (puts pizza slices back in freezer)

Me: Why not?

El Cap: You can’t defrost and re-freeze things. It’s not safe.

Me: Why is it not safe?

El Cap: Because it’s not. I’m saving your life!

Me: How? How are you saving my life?

El Cap: Because you can’t do it. You’re going to be an old lady and say, he wouldn’t let me defrost and reheat the pizza when I was 40, and –

Me: I really love that you remember that I’m 40, by the way.

El Cap: –and you’ll thank me.

Me: But why? What happens if you defrost and refreeze pizza? What the hell do you think will happen to the pizza in the two hours it isn’t completely frozen?

El Cap: Bacteria!

Me: You know, you can’t just say words and expect that to explain things.

El Cap: You don’t have a spleen! Bacteria!

Me: That’s like saying “herpes” and expecting it to explain everything.

El Cap: Exactly.

Me: PIZZA HERPES? I don’t know what the hell you think I was going to do with the pizza.

El Cap: That’s between you and the pizza.

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I write. I take pictures. I love my dog. I love Florida. My 2016 book, 'Backroads of Paradise' did really well for the publisher and now I feel a ridiculous amount of pressure to finish the second book.