Cinderella Castle at Magic Kingdom lit up for Mickey's Very Merry Christmas Party — many color lights. Castle is in front of water

Mickey’s Very Merry Christmas Party: Don’t Be an Asshole

Mickey’s Very Merry Christmas Party should combine two ostensibly happy things: Winter holidays (they’re careful to stay away from Baby Jesus, which I appreciate) and Walt Disney World.

You wouldn’t have known it the other night. Amidst the holiday cheer, there was some serious shit going down in Cosmic Ray’s Starlight Cafe. People were full-combat Disneying. Some examples:

  1. The man next to me waiting for food only spoke Italian, and his chicken sandwich apparently arrived without bacon or the type of cheese he wanted, and he berated not one, but two Cast Members who came over to speak with him and try and fix it. This apparently didn’t happen soon enough for him, so he started yelling at them (shout out to Guiseppe from Abruzzo, who kept his cool when I would have thrown an orange soda in this jackass’ face, which explains why I don’t work at Disney) and you didn’t need to speak Italian to know he was swearing at them.When he finally left, I asked the CM — in Spanish — how you said “asshole” in Italian, and she laughed and all of a sudden I got my food right away. I’m glad I could make her laugh. Since I’m assuming she’s since been killed by someone who received chicken fingers instead of french fries, and I’m glad I could help make the last moments of her life somewhat more pleasant.
  2. A group of Karens felt that they’d been waiting too long to get their food. Nevermind I’ve never seen this place this crowded (it looked like every Greyhound station in America on Sept. 13, 2001), they hadn’t gotten their food. And they were cute and white and young, so why would old/fat people/other people get served first?Clearly, there was some sort of Donald-shaped conspiracy keeping them from their goddamn chicken sandwich and fries. And they were telling everyone about it. Loudly. And as if that wasn’t enough, whenever someone’s name was called, they’d parrot that person’s name over and over, and when that person would approach the counter, one of these bitches would grab that person’s receipt and read off their order time, and start bitching about how long they’d been waiting anew as compared to someone else.
  3. Cosmic Ray’s Starlight ran out of the display Donald Sippers (the ones in the front) and there was a palpable wave of panic as people asked any CM available if they’d sold out. It’s as close to a riot as I’ve ever seen, short of, you know, actual riots.

Honestly, it’s a good thing MK doesn’t have a bar.

Happy holidays, y’all, and if you go Disney, don’t be any of these assholes.

Published by


I write. I take pictures. I love my dog. I love Florida. My 2016 book, 'Backroads of Paradise' did really well for the publisher and now I feel a ridiculous amount of pressure to finish the second book.