If You Give a Cat a Cookie

Elmo and Scuppers are on a diet. Elmo’s the one with the weight problem, but since they’re cats, they both have to eat the same food at the same time or the Universe implodes, apparently.

This is a problem because Scuppers gets hungry. I can understand that. He’s a big boy, and by that I don’t mean “husky”, I mean he’s part Maine Coon cat and he has certain nutritional needs. He’s also a fussy eater, which means that sometimes he simply won’t eat the food I put down, which means he doesn’t eat.

This, in turn, is a problem because Scuppers is rather clever and knows where we keep the cat food. I’ve already had  to hide the dry food, but he’s developed a nasty habit of getting into the closet and trying to pry open a can of the Tiki Cat. I know he’s just days away from working that out – the cans have pull tab tops – so I’ve rubber banded the door shut. I have to rubber band the door several times because Scuppers is like a cockroach; he can squeeze in the tiniest places.

This, consequently, is a problem because El Cap and I keep other things in the closet that we use, pantry items like paper towels, extra cans of food, and the like. So this morning I watched a very sleepy El Cap try to get into the closet. I’d like to note that this system fails every few nights with Scuppers but this morning it defeated El Cap almost entirely.

EL CAP: Once is enough, isn’t it?

ME: Scuppers can get in if I don’t wrap it like that.

EL CAP: IT’S LIKE LIVING IN A CHILDPROOF HOUSE. Doors are shut, doors are rubber-banded shut…

ME: OK, OK, I won’t do it anymore. I’ll find somewhere to hide the food.


ME: (laughing)

EL CAP: It’s not funny!

ME: Yeah, it is. It’s funny. I’ll speak to the cats.

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I write. I take pictures. I love my dog. I love Florida. My 2016 book, 'Backroads of Paradise' did really well for the publisher and now I feel a ridiculous amount of pressure to finish the second book.