I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell

That’s the title of a recent NYT bestseller.
And I just have THIS to say about THAT.
And this freakshow of a man who writes a book about getting drunk and having sex with bimbos? He writes about filming a girl- without her consent- while having anal sex with her and then throwing up on her while his friend films the whole thing and then, in turn, throws up as well.


How do I not have a bestseller? Screw that, how do I not even have a published book? How is it that this guy has a book that I ACTUALLY PURCHASED and lives (presumably) very well in NYC while I live in the ghetto, have to bring in my beat up work-in-the-yard sandals from the front porch at night to avoid them being stolen and subsequently sold for crack (you can’t make this shit up, folks, I have the po=po report to prove it happened) and eat leftover Barnes and Noble soup after work?

Is THIS what they mean about suffering for art?

Are you frigging kidding me?

He’s not even that good looking. Look at his picture on his book jacket. No, scratch that, you might be as stupid as I was and actually buy the damn book.

So when is a GIRL gonna write a book about getting drunk and getting laid and have it hit the NYT bestseller list?

I know what you’re thinking, almost all of you, and NO. Ain’t enough alcohol on god’s green earth. Plus, getting drunk is so unversally unappealing to me on so many levels that I don’t think I COULD. But ya’ll send me your own drunk stories and I’ll gladly send an editor a collection of stupid chick tricks. Hell, send pictures and we’ll probably beat out this Tucker Max POS book in a week.

Drunk sex bestseller? Really? Pity god promised never to destroy the earth a second time. ‘Course, he lost unicorns the first go-round, he probably just didn’t want to lose anything cool a second time.

I guess you have to read it to relate to my disgust. Or not. Bad enough I did. And I am the epitomy of a non-feminist and I feel this way, imagine how other women feel?

And we all thought men our age didn’t actually buy books. Is this what all the writing mags refer to as “Lad Lit”?

Illiteracy never looked so good.

Fitting that this guy is trained as a lawyer. Everything icky in one pretty package.

It isn’t the sex that bothers me, or his lifestyle, or even how he sees women (because the women he describes aren’t exactly the types who are offended by appearing in such a book), but that SOMEONE PAID HIM MONEY TO WRITE THIS CRAP.

And the drunkenness, but that’s on a personal level. I can’t stand drunks, or people who drink and get mad (he does). But… money for writing about WHAT EVERY COLLEGE GUY IN THE WORLD HAS DONE.

Ok, enough.

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I write. I take pictures. I love my dog. I love Florida. My 2016 book, 'Backroads of Paradise' did really well for the publisher and now I feel a ridiculous amount of pressure to finish the second book.