You know, you need friends that make you laugh. In that spirit, please consider the e-mail Shelly sent a bunch of us this morning:
“I’ve been using my time this afternoon to conduct a little research. You see, I was hell-bent to join Weight Watchers today for obvious reasons. But, after perusing a few diet websites, I found that there actually is a miracle cure for weight gain: Cutting calories and exercising. I told Maricris that I wanted to join WW because I needed “institutionalized motivation.” But, you know what? I am not going to pay $12 every week to sit in a room of fat people and have them tell me that I need to stop drinking so much beer. I can tell myself that for free, thank you very much.
So I am basically sending this email so that I can confirm to myself in writing that today I am going back to watching my calories and exercising. And by that, I mean doing my two least favorite things in the world: walking Mango and not drinking beer.
Do not buy me beer. Do not call me to go out for beer. Do not tempt me over to your house under the pretext of having “beer.” Do not invite me to sporting events. Do not try to get me to do anything for you by waving the notion of “beer” in my face. Do not even mention the word “beer” in my presence. Or be sneaky by speaking of it only in brand names. For that matter, do not mention to me countries known for beer. This includes England, Ireland, Scotland, All of Europe, really, the Caribbean and most of Asia. And Mexico. And Canada.
We can discuss Africa.
My love to you all. Wish me luck. I have to go walk the dog, now.
Shelly
PS While we’re on the subject, I would appreciate it if no one left any more fabulous chocolate cakes on my doorstep. Thanks.”
Is now a bad time to mention to her that they make beer in Africa?
