Hide Yo’ Pekin, Hide Yo’ Mallard

The Reyes told police the duck followed them. 
That word… 
I do not think it means what you think it means.

In other news: “Hefty Bill for Duck Theft” is now part of my headline portfolio, and Pia’s is naming a duck salad in my honor this weekend.

For those of you who don’t religiously follow the Gabber, you can see what has my panties in a twist here.

If you think I’m crazy, well, OK, but I’m not the only one. One of my neighbors – unprompted by me – actually caught the duck-snatchers red-handed last week.

As one local police officer said, “I read your column and thought, ‘these people are high.’ And then Parks catches somebody stealing ducks the next night.”

Because we’re Gulfport – and we are awesome, by the way, thank you very much – this was all the talk around Tomlinson Park last week. We take fowl play very seriously (like what I did there?) and if you don’t believe me, remember, this is the town that had a chicken referendum in 1945 and, just a few years ago, spent months debating chicken ownership rights in council chambers. Which – little known fact – is totally what our Founding Fathers had in mind when they wrote the Bill of Rights.

My favorite quote (because when you’re covering duck snatching for the local weekly paper, believe you me, you really do have a cornucopia of these gems from which to choose) comes from our police chief, Rob Vincent, who pointed out that my headline shouldn’t talk about duck theft (which it totally does) because technically, it’s not a theft, because “that would imply the ducks belong to somebody.”

I realize that sounds all “born free” and very Hippie-dippy for a police officer, but these Gulfport guys are really enlightened. Also, they’re more than a little caught up in the legalities of duck ownership.

I am really hoping that the duck in the salad isn’t the same as the one in the photo.

Bottom line? I’m still totally getting the duck salad at Pia’s this weekend. I mean, she named it after me. How could I not eat this? Also, these ducks are yummy. As long as I haven’t taken their picture.

You know, I love this job. I mean, when I said “I want to be a writer” I completely did not mean this. I wouldn’t have chosen this, but I don’t mind it. It’s just twisted enough that I kind of love it.

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I write. I take pictures. I love my dog. I love Florida. My 2016 book, 'Backroads of Paradise' did really well for the publisher and now I feel a ridiculous amount of pressure to finish the second book.