Cherry Chocolate Circus Freak

Dear World-

This is what I get for shunning all grooming products for years.

The other night- I DON’T KNOW WHY- I decided to dye my hair. Maybe it’s the effect working around 19 year olds who all look like more toned, younger versions of supermodels has on one approaching middle age, I don’t know. So I ask Lu for advice (because, after all, when you want to make a rare foray into beauty, why not ask the chick with 17 tattoos?)

Now, let’s be clear here, I LOVE Luci. She is highly trained when it comes to hair and nails and skin, and I trust her advice. Yes, she really does have a LOT of tattoos, but she pulls off a rare sort of glamour with them, so that was really just an unkind dig on my part, so let’s forget I said it.

She suggested Cherry Chocolate. I listened. And then I took a bath with the dye on my head and kind of… lost track of time. Have I mentioned that the summer sun bleached my hair out a bit, making it a REALLY GOOD CANDIDATE FOR ABSORBING HAIR DYE?

My cherry chocolate is eggplant purple and I look like an overaged reject from a goth club.

OK, I may be overreacting, but my “vintage” porcelain POS sink is died cherry chocolate and you know how hair dye looks different when it stains something (you know, darker, more dramatic, whatever)? Yeah, my hair looks like the dye stains on my sink.

Plus- and this is weird- my hair texture is fine when it’s dry but when I wash it it’s straw-like and I just KNOW that soon it’s going to come out in clumps as I shampoo.

At which point I will be a bald circus freak with and eggplant colored scalp. In the ghetto. It’s like a bad act from Gibsonton, really.

Performing nightly at a bookstore near you. I’m here all week, ladies and gentlemen. Don’t forget to tip your waitresses, and remember, you don’t have to go home but ya can’t stay here.

Love,

The Cherry Chocolate Circus Freak.

PS- For the second time this month, one of the zygotes I work with has compared me to their mother. I think that sort of thing can actually send a woman sliding into menopause early, don’t you?

PPS- You know, these blogs are starting to make me sound like I don’t want to get old. That’s not it; I just don’t want to grow up. Can women get Peter Pan complexes? No? Ok, well, how bout this: it just shocks the hell out of me that I am actually getting older.