Bridal Showers

I don’t have many close friends, and that’s by choice. I am not a reliable enough friend to have lots of friends. We all know those people who have 50 people they consider “really close friends.” I am so not that person. I’m too cranky, fickle and unreliable to keep up with that many people. The ones I do have matter greatly to me, mostly because they understand I will flake on minor events and often fall asleep at any event that runs past 10 at night.

It is only for these friends that I will do certain things. I will go places I would never go on my own and attend events I would never seek out if left to my own devices. They don’t ask much of me, and, for the most part, they all let me sleep peacefully when I nod off at parties, so I figure the least I can do is support them at the things that matter to them. By “support” I mean, of course, show up and stay awake only after I’ve whined a little here.

Amanda is getting married, and while the wedding itself should be pretty wonderful, today is her bridal shower. At it’s core, it’s a bunch of my closest friends getting together and eating cake. That part is all good. Cake, friends, presents… I love it.

But there will also be games. For those of you (men and Maricris) who have never attended a bridal shower, let’s talk about those games. Simply Wedding Stuff says this about those games:

“Before you get down to the serious business of ceremonies, vows and such, be sure to include some lighthearted bridal shower games to the agenda. All generations will enjoy a rousing round of bridal shower bingo or try their hand at a challenging bridal shower word search game.”

Bridal shower bingo? Really, Simply Wedding Stuff? I think what bothers me more is not that they’re trying to get me to believe that, but that someone actually wrote that, presumably with a straight face.

Bridal Shower Games A to Z sells a “finish the bride’s phrase” game. I think I could really have fun with this one, and I’m hoping that if we’re forced to play games, this one’s on the list. The game goes like this: you’re handed a list of words with blank spaces after them and you have to finish the phrase. So, if it says “Holy _______,” I would fill in “Holy shit, I just got that $600 mixer I wanted!” and if it says “Champagne ______,” you should complete the phrase “makes me throw up unless it’s the really good stuff. That one may not be so bad…

Of course, you always run the risk of the inevitable “make a wedding dress out of toilet paper” contest, whereby you break into teams. Each team chooses one lucky lady to be the model who will wear the wedding dress her team designs out of toilet paper. There are no words to describe the hideosity of this game. If you’ve never experienced it, count yourself among the lucky.

The Maid of Honor Guide actually has the audacity to say their games are better, and perhaps they are. But, really, what are we, 12?

1 – Wedding Night Hand Game: This is a game your guests won’t really understand until later on when you explain it to them, but that’s the idea! Have a bridesmaid, ready with construction paper and markers, instruct guests to place the paper on the floor and trace their hand with the marker-they can’t bend their knees. The bridesmaid should write down everything the guests say as they try to bend over and draw their hand. Later, you explain that the point of the game was to find out what the bride-to-be will say on her wedding night. You’ll get classic soundbites like, “Gosh, this is harder than it looks!” and “Oh! This hurts!” You probably won’t be able to get through the list of quotes without dissolving into laughter. .

Really, this whole site is a treasure trove of things that make me shudder, including “What’s in the sock” and “Pick the Groom.” 

Bottom line? I love Amanda and am truly delighted for her. I love that I get to see everyone today. But please, please don’t ask me to bend over and trace my hand. I beg you. Oh, and one more pearl of wisdom about games from Simply Wedding Stuff:

“Everyone secretly enjoys being part of this long standing wedding tradition.”

 I promise you, Simply Wedding Stuff, I keep no such secret. My secret? I’ll have a teeny-tiny flask of vodka hidden in my purse for when you want me to make a wedding dress out of Charmin.

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I write. I take pictures. I love my dog. I love Florida. My 2016 book, 'Backroads of Paradise' did really well for the publisher and now I feel a ridiculous amount of pressure to finish the second book.